The Mother In Law’s Call: This might sound very funny or not make any sense, but I hope at the end of this article, it would make meaning and would give you a deeper insight.
I attended a seminar once upon a time and this beautiful and now happily married woman shared a story about the day she will never forget. That story, fortunately birth this topic. It’s amazing how things work or how far we go when the mother-in-law call is involved especially amongst the ladies. This call sounds like the long-awaited approval we have been dreaming about.
But, the ugly truth is, it doesn’t always work that way. I speak for the ladies now, but a mother-in-law’s call makes a huge difference in our relationships whether we acknowledge it or not. Now back to the story…
Lola had been dating this guy for seven years; they had been going steady despite the ups and downs, the fears and the distrust between them.
So, Mario’s convocation was coming up and he called his girlfriend that he needed a pair of shoes for the party. She obliged, drained her account and bought her beloved a good pair of bataKsmart shoes to make his day happy and complete. On this fateful day, Lola rushed home at 5:30 in the morning, got fitted for her Ankara ball gown, made up, wore a six-inch pair of heels and was ready for the showdown.
On her way out, her mum called out, “LOLA!!! Take a pair of slippers just incase your legs begin to hurt”. ‘No mum, I will be fine’. She was about to step out when the first mother in law call came in: ‘Lola, where are you? We are waiting for you’. ‘Almost there, ma’, she replied. In haste, she took a long distance bike to the venue.
Then the second mother in law’s call comes in. Lola, ‘the party can’t start without you. Where are you?’ At the gate already ma. Lola gets to the party, does her chores as expected of an incoming wife. However, she finds out she is not the ‘girlfriend’ after all, she is the ‘friend’ the parents know with their son. She is humiliated, used and embarrassed. Mario doesn’t even acknowledge her presence, hard work or the effort she put into making sure his guests are well served. He doesn’t even want to take pictures with her. Lola leaves….Heartbroken and barefooted.
YOU DO NOT HAVE A MOTHER-IN-LAW UNTIL THERE IS A WEDDING RING ON YOUR FINGER!!!!
Approval is important in our relationships, in fact, Steve Harvey, in his book Act like a Lady, Think like a Man says that if a man is serious with a relationship, you should have been introduced to the parent by the third month. So, yes his/her mother has to know you, you have to gain their approval or else it might lead to the end of the relationship. However, according to the story aforementioned, Lola misread the calls as a sign of approval. She felt if the mother was calling her already then it simply meant she was in.
NO! Until a guy takes you home and introduces you to his parent as his girlfriend, then you can begin the process of building a long term relationship with the parent.
Ladies make a lot of mistake when it comes to this. OMG! My boyfriend’s mother just called me! (I used to do it too) So? You don’t play the role of a wife until you are married. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the calls are unnecessary or relationships can’t be bonded through that, but it shouldn’t be the basis that dictates your relationship. Lola took a long distance bike because the mother-in-law’s call came in, she felt important, and she felt recognized as the son’s girlfriend. But, alas she got the shock of her life. I don’t blame the mother; because she was only acting based on what her son told her.
Save yourself the humiliation and embarrassment. If you want to go to his parent’s home, it should be after he has brought you home as his girlfriend. After he has given you a title, not when he still introduces you as a close friend. If you show all your cooking and housekeeping talent now that you guys aren’t married, what’s the new thing that will spice your marriage when and if you eventually do get married?
I have this friend, a close friend even though I have never met him; he calls my mum like he calls his friend. Then one day his mum was celebrating her birthday and I wanted to call too and I did. Something struck me though, I was so nervous, my voice was shaky and I was jumbling my words. After I hung up, I began to ponder what had happened. I wasn’t dating this guy, so why did talking to his mum get me tongue-tied.
My conclusion was this, even as a PLATONIC friend, I was seeking approval, I wanted her to like me. But, it won’t and can’t happen that way.
In a serious relationship, let your man or lady take you home, give you a title and then build a bond with the parent. Don’t be bent on seeking approval in a rush. If you have good character, if you are yourself, then the bond will come naturally.
The Mother in law’s call
So, the next time your “mother-in-law” calls, don’t act perfect, don’t wash all the clothes or cook all the food, act naturally. Be yourself. And don’t let a call dictate your relationship; don’t take unnecessary risks especially when a title is not involved.
Guys, this is a tip. If you love your girl, the best thing you can do for her is to take her home. ‘Mum/dad, this is my girlfriend’. Trust me, you just won her heart.
However, on this note, I will like to emphasize the fact that your man taking you home to meet his parent doesn’t mean you are getting married next weekend. You might just be another one on the long list of girls he’s brought home before now. And some mothers-in-laws are really nice both to the original and the fake (you know what I mean). So, ladies, he taking you to meet his parent is not the only basis for your relationship. Don’t let the mother-in-law’s call dictate you or your relationship!!