Last week, Abidemi, my to-be-girlfriend surprised me for my birthday. I’ve always preferred spending my birthdays alone or with the guys; drinking and eating, when not watching a big booty girl twerk on my groin while I pretend to be more concerned with the drink in my hand.
Two days before my birthday, Abidemi called me from the blues and asked what I’d be doing on that day. Since I was already used to girls asking this question, I decided to play the usual role to get the desired. “Nothing o” I said innocently, “I’ll just be home alone, bored, hungry, and lonely. Chuks and the new flatmate, Farouq, won’t be around, they have owambe that day.” I sigh for dramatic effect and add, “I’ll be so bored that day ehn! Any how sha.”
“Awwwwn” she replied, “that’s so sad. Who stays home alone on their birthday?” I smiled mischievously, everything was falling in place. “Why not follow them to the owambe na?”She asked. I tried not to sound irritated on the phone, “no jor, I wasn’t invited. I’d rather be home, alone.” I thought of sighing again but decided against it.
“How about I come hang with you then?” Abidemi offered. I dropped my phone on my chest, raised my legs in the air and shook them in jubilation. When I placed the phone back on my ear, she was saying something about cooking and making the day memorable with party jollof. I frowned. Was she just coming over to cook alone? I can always get that done by anyone na. Why’s this babe always playing coy and smart at the same time sha?
“Wait, Abidemi, so you’ll just leave your father’s house on a Saturday, just so you can come cook for me? Only? Na wa o. Na so them dey celebrate birthday for una village ni?”
She laughs heartily, I’m sure her gap tooth and dimples are evident at this point. “What else do you want na? I did buy you a gift though, and I’m sure you’ll like it.” There was a long pause then she came back to the phone, “I have to go now Gozirim, I’ll call you once I’m on my way there on Saturday.”
She had her plans for my birthday, I had mine too. While she’s cooking the birthday Party jollof, I’ll be cooking my libido. She feeds me food, I’ll definitely repay the kindness by feeding her food too. I smiled to myself, ‘Chigozirim, you don mad finish, hahahah’.