It’s a woman’s World After all…
I sat at the backseat of my Uber ride, numb. I was listening to Sigrid’s Dynamite, but the words weren’t for me, only the rhythm felt right. The driver stared at me from the review and asked if I was okay. I’m not sure what I said, all I know is, my tears followed. Loud sobs that made the driver curse death for playing another human. I couldn’t correct his thoughts, I couldn’t tell him death would have been a much easier choice if I was ever given the privilege. I couldn’t tell him I wasn’t strong enough to be the man society often speaks of.
“We should hang out some time”, she said. It wasn’t the first time either, but these days, she’d been saying that a lot.
Earlier today, it was a different call. “Hey, Chuka, I’m in Lagos for the weekend, how about you come do those things you seldom speak of.” I laughed, “no na,” I said, “I was only joking na, you know me. I’m all talk and no action. Serial flirt if you may.”
She laughed it out like that was expected. “Anyhow sha, try come over to the hotel today, let me treat you on my company’s bill before I get to leave.”
That sounded like a good idea. I checked the hotel she was staying in on the internet. They did have a spa, and what I’d give to get those. Just then, I thought of my girlfriend, would this be counted as cheating? I mean, I’m only going to unwind. But would I like the idea of her unwinding in a hotel with another man? Then I corrected myself, I’m not unwinding with another woman, I’m doing that alone, but the bill is on her.
This logic seemed to put me at ease on the surface. As long as I don’t allow myself think of my girlfriend at all.
“In line with the recent accusation of sensational photographer, Bukola Dakolo against COZA’s head pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo; It is imperative to know that The National Youth Network takes a stand against Rape.“
Felicity was a good host, she was very attentive to my needs and made me feel at home in her hotel room. At about 8pm, I told her I’d like to leave before it gets too late. She nodded and stood up, opening her arms for an embrace. It was then I noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra, but what business of mine was that?
I gave her a warm hug, she let it last too long. I didn’t want an awkward scene, so I kept laughing while I tried to peel her from my arms. When I did, there was tears in her eyes and I wondered why. “Just one kiss” she said, “I promise it’d stay between the both of us alone”. I didn’t trust her, but then, there was no way she’d be meeting my girlfriend anytime, so I obliged.
It didn’t end there in the simple kiss I gave. She looked at me like I was a joker. “No jor, not like that. Open your mouth more. Wait, let me show you how.” It felt like she was interested in drinking from my lifeline. I pushed her back, this didn’t feel right at all. I cleaned my lips and tasted blood, shit, was that hers or mine?
She stood up slowly and started to undress. Then I started to beg. I told her I wasn’t emotionally invested, I told her I wouldn’t be able to be erect. I told her I’d do anything else, I told her I was overworked and tired.
She listened. And kept nodding with a cruel smile as I gave excuses on why I should be allowed to be treated as a human. She held power, she was conscious of that, she played well with it, I was in danger.
I kept saying “please” and she kept nodding. She dragged down my pants and made a sad face, “it’s looking so sad and innocent, but I’ll make it happy. Trust me.” She started massaging my penis while forcing her tongue down ny throat. “No, please stop. I won’t get hard, I’m serious.” I wish my body was as sound as my mind, because she called my bluff with my hardness in her hand.
She suckled as she pleased and pushed me on the bed. I felt dirty, so I covered my naked body with my limbs and hoped all these would end. Felicity climbed on me and sat on my length. In less than a minute, I was flaccid again. She tried awakening me, but there was not enough sensation to cause a reaction. I silently thanked my body for listening, I felt disgusted enough already, I just wanted to go home.
She slapped me. It was so unexpected I couldn’t feel it for some seconds. The pain felt nothing like the violation after that. She walked to her travelling box, took out a med kit and a played with a syringe and liquids. Before I knew it, she stabbed the content into my thigh and soon enough she got her result. An erect Chuka.
She mourned in ecstasy while I watched myself leave my body. They say the human mind can survive any situation, maybe not the body, but the mind can. So I let my body remain there while my mind drifted off. I laid there, empty, I let my mind find sanity elsewhere, oblivious of what my body was going through.
It wasn’t as hard as you’d think. Definitely not as hard as creating multiple personalities, but it was the closest I’d get. I drifted off that scene letting her win, after all this was her territory.
When I became conscious, she was already dressed and talking about how we should meetup anytime I’d be in Abuja. I picked up my clothes on the floor and walked to the door like the ghost I was, hoping to walk through the door, invisible. She snapped at me, ordering me to dress up first, or else…
Maybe it’s a woman’s world after all, they get the upper hand, they’re forever going to play victim. I just got violated. Allow my prejudice.
I didn’t do a good job letting my mind drift off. In the cab, it all came rushing back to me. Every violation, every unwanted kiss and deadly touch. And so I cried. At how useless I felt in the hands of one who represents the law and controls the system. There was no case for me, not against the one who heads the department of domestic violence and women activism.
I hope selective amnesia would make things easier.